I don't want a baby but my longtime boyfriend does. Should we get married?
A relationship can make perfect sense until a contrasting vision of the future comes in the picture. Kids or no kids dilemma is still very real. And if anything, in contemporary times, it has become more pronounced and common.
“Do you want to have kids?”
What followed was a pause so heavy it seemed to stretch endlessly. You stare somewhere past your partner, too afraid to meet their eyes. There were a few nervous “uhs”, maybe an awkward laugh, and then the truth finally slipped out:
“I don’t think so”
The room went painfully quiet.
Then came a soft voice: “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out,” followed by a reassuring hug. And just like that, for Chandrika Singh and Ashutosh Chauhan (names changed), a decade-long relationship that once felt steady suddenly begins to wobble beneath the surface.
What happens when one partner wants children and the other does not?
Can love survive a difference this fundamental, or does marriage only amplify it?
The dilemma is not new, but in the contemporary era, it has become more pronounced. Earlier, getting married and having kids was like a default setting for most Indian households. No questions asked. And probably, for many, it still is.
But in 2026, these conversations have simply become inevitable before marriage, and people are no longer shying away from them. More couples are open to leading the DINK (Double Income No Kids) lifestyle or even DINKWAD (Double Income No Kids With a Dog) because they opt for more autonomy, mental peace, career growth, travel, emotional bandwidth, or simply don’t feel internally called towards parenthood.
And in a patriarchal world, women are also becoming vocal about what they want for their bodies and what they are comfortable with. Even though they may still be judged for not embracing motherhood far more than a man who is not ready for fatherhood. For many women, autonomy, identity, labour, and ambition may take priority — and that’s okay.
But this does not take away from the fact that it still is a common problem couples face. And experts agree.
“It’s not just about having a child or not having one. It is about identity, freedom, purpose, lifestyle, emotional capacity, family conditioning, and the kind of life two people truly want to build together,” Namrata Jain, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, tells India Today.
A compatibility issue you didn't see coming
“I think we share great compatibility and complement each other’s differences. We have the same humour, a pretty similar thought quotient, and the same idea of home except for the kids part. He envisions a home with me and kids, but I am not sure if I want that... and the more time passes, the question only becomes more glaring, at least to me,” shares Singh, a 29-year-old in a decade-long, head-over-heels-in-love kind of relationship.
But as per experts, this can become a compatibility issue.
“When one partner wants children and the other doesn’t, it can absolutely become a compatibility issue. Not because the couple doesn’t love each other, but because they may be imagining completely different futures,” says Jain.
Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship expert believes, “It can eventually become a compatibility issue as there are many things connected to this decision. Raising a child requires physical and emotional availability from both partners. It requires a strong support system and financial stability. Having a child — or even planning one — when one partner sees it as a compromise can jeopardise the couple’s compatibility.”
And why someone is not willing to have kids is a personal choice, and people need to respect that. That’s exactly why such a desire is not wrong.
While Singh says her fears were slightly also fuelled by the show The Bold Type — where one of the leads breaks up over the kids-or-no-kids dilemma with a very loving boyfriend — she wonders if she should too. The OTT influence is pretty real today.
“We love each other deeply. When we had this discussion, the very idea of not being in each other’s lives brought tears to both of us, and we couldn’t continue the conversation. In that moment, that was the answer. Kids or not is not really a dealbreaker per se,” Singh reveals, still wondering if their love can sustain their future.
Is love enough?
They say love conquers all. But some questions are too life-altering to be softened by chemistry alone.
Jain has a very clear take on this. “This question sits at the level of a core life value in current times. And when core values differ, love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship anymore.”
She explains that it may sustain in some cases, but in the long term, it becomes emotionally difficult if the issue remains unresolved internally. Relationships don’t survive only on chemistry and affection; they also survive on shared vision. If one person imagines family life with children and the other imagines freedom without them, both may slowly begin grieving the future they hoped for.
In her experience, the real problem starts when people assume that love will automatically make the other person change over time. Unlike disagreements about cities, careers, or lifestyles, parenthood is not a halfway compromise.
Ruuh believes that if this decision matters deeply to one partner, the other must take it seriously and not expect or wait in hope for their partner to eventually change their beliefs.
“We are ready to settle down. And even though Ashutosh has agreed to my reluctance and the possibility of never having kids. But I fear that eventually he might resent me,” Singh says emotionally. For her, a wedding is on the cards, but this dilemma is making her have second thoughts about it.
And her apprehension is not vague.
“Resentment can quietly build over time. The partner who gives up parenthood may carry grief or regret later in life, while the one who agrees to have children despite not wanting them may struggle with exhaustion, loss of identity, or anger over a life they never truly chose. Often, the resentment is less about the partner and more about an unspoken sacrifice.”
A compromise only works when it is emotionally integrated, not silently tolerated. Silence leads to resentment.
The right conversation
Radical honesty matters.
Experts suggest addressing a few questions, especially if you are envisioning a future together:
Is this a flexible preference or is it non-negotiable?
Why do I want or not want children? Is it out of societal or family pressure?
What does parenthood emotionally represent to me?
Am I choosing this freely or am I abandoning a part of myself because I’m scared to lose the relationship?
“Couples must explore the reasons behind their decisions in therapy or through honest conversations. This needs to happen without an agenda to convince or coerce the partner, but rather to understand their genuine reasoning and what it might take for both people to align towards a mutual future,” says Ruuh.
People should enter marriage with honesty, clarity, and shared enthusiasm for future goals.
So, should you get married?
There is no objective answer.
“Honestly, it depends on how much that one decision means to both partners. Having a child impacts nearly every aspect of a couple’s life — lifestyle, finances, family dynamics, even future goals,” says Ruuh. In her experience, she has seen couples come close to splitting up only to eventually find peace in choosing each other. Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, they simply learn to grow with the relationship instead of against it.
Jain believes modern relationships are demanding a far deeper level of self-awareness. “That freedom is beautiful, but it also makes love far more emotionally complex,” she remarks.
Both experts agree on one thing: whether couples choose to stay together or part ways, the decision cannot come without difficult, deeply honest conversations. Because transformation requires both release and trust.
And maybe that’s the beauty and burden of modern-day crazy, stupid love.
“Do you want to have kids?”
What followed was a pause so heavy it seemed to stretch endlessly. You stare somewhere past your partner, too afraid to meet their eyes. There were a few nervous “uhs”, maybe an awkward laugh, and then the truth finally slipped out:
“I don’t think so”
The room went painfully quiet.
Then came a soft voice: “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out,” followed by a reassuring hug. And just like that, for Chandrika Singh and Ashutosh Chauhan (names changed), a decade-long relationship that once felt steady suddenly begins to wobble beneath the surface.
What happens when one partner wants children and the other does not?
Can love survive a difference this fundamental, or does marriage only amplify it?
The dilemma is not new, but in the contemporary era, it has become more pronounced. Earlier, getting married and having kids was like a default setting for most Indian households. No questions asked. And probably, for many, it still is.
But in 2026, these conversations have simply become inevitable before marriage, and people are no longer shying away from them. More couples are open to leading the DINK (Double Income No Kids) lifestyle or even DINKWAD (Double Income No Kids With a Dog) because they opt for more autonomy, mental peace, career growth, travel, emotional bandwidth, or simply don’t feel internally called towards parenthood.
And in a patriarchal world, women are also becoming vocal about what they want for their bodies and what they are comfortable with. Even though they may still be judged for not embracing motherhood far more than a man who is not ready for fatherhood. For many women, autonomy, identity, labour, and ambition may take priority — and that’s okay.
But this does not take away from the fact that it still is a common problem couples face. And experts agree.
“It’s not just about having a child or not having one. It is about identity, freedom, purpose, lifestyle, emotional capacity, family conditioning, and the kind of life two people truly want to build together,” Namrata Jain, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, tells India Today.
A compatibility issue you didn't see coming
“I think we share great compatibility and complement each other’s differences. We have the same humour, a pretty similar thought quotient, and the same idea of home except for the kids part. He envisions a home with me and kids, but I am not sure if I want that... and the more time passes, the question only becomes more glaring, at least to me,” shares Singh, a 29-year-old in a decade-long, head-over-heels-in-love kind of relationship.
But as per experts, this can become a compatibility issue.
“When one partner wants children and the other doesn’t, it can absolutely become a compatibility issue. Not because the couple doesn’t love each other, but because they may be imagining completely different futures,” says Jain.
Ruchi Ruuh, a Delhi-based relationship expert believes, “It can eventually become a compatibility issue as there are many things connected to this decision. Raising a child requires physical and emotional availability from both partners. It requires a strong support system and financial stability. Having a child — or even planning one — when one partner sees it as a compromise can jeopardise the couple’s compatibility.”
And why someone is not willing to have kids is a personal choice, and people need to respect that. That’s exactly why such a desire is not wrong.
While Singh says her fears were slightly also fuelled by the show The Bold Type — where one of the leads breaks up over the kids-or-no-kids dilemma with a very loving boyfriend — she wonders if she should too. The OTT influence is pretty real today.
“We love each other deeply. When we had this discussion, the very idea of not being in each other’s lives brought tears to both of us, and we couldn’t continue the conversation. In that moment, that was the answer. Kids or not is not really a dealbreaker per se,” Singh reveals, still wondering if their love can sustain their future.
Is love enough?
They say love conquers all. But some questions are too life-altering to be softened by chemistry alone.
Jain has a very clear take on this. “This question sits at the level of a core life value in current times. And when core values differ, love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship anymore.”
She explains that it may sustain in some cases, but in the long term, it becomes emotionally difficult if the issue remains unresolved internally. Relationships don’t survive only on chemistry and affection; they also survive on shared vision. If one person imagines family life with children and the other imagines freedom without them, both may slowly begin grieving the future they hoped for.
In her experience, the real problem starts when people assume that love will automatically make the other person change over time. Unlike disagreements about cities, careers, or lifestyles, parenthood is not a halfway compromise.
Ruuh believes that if this decision matters deeply to one partner, the other must take it seriously and not expect or wait in hope for their partner to eventually change their beliefs.
“We are ready to settle down. And even though Ashutosh has agreed to my reluctance and the possibility of never having kids. But I fear that eventually he might resent me,” Singh says emotionally. For her, a wedding is on the cards, but this dilemma is making her have second thoughts about it.
And her apprehension is not vague.
“Resentment can quietly build over time. The partner who gives up parenthood may carry grief or regret later in life, while the one who agrees to have children despite not wanting them may struggle with exhaustion, loss of identity, or anger over a life they never truly chose. Often, the resentment is less about the partner and more about an unspoken sacrifice.”
A compromise only works when it is emotionally integrated, not silently tolerated. Silence leads to resentment.
The right conversation
Radical honesty matters.
Experts suggest addressing a few questions, especially if you are envisioning a future together:
Is this a flexible preference or is it non-negotiable?
Why do I want or not want children? Is it out of societal or family pressure?
What does parenthood emotionally represent to me?
Am I choosing this freely or am I abandoning a part of myself because I’m scared to lose the relationship?
“Couples must explore the reasons behind their decisions in therapy or through honest conversations. This needs to happen without an agenda to convince or coerce the partner, but rather to understand their genuine reasoning and what it might take for both people to align towards a mutual future,” says Ruuh.
People should enter marriage with honesty, clarity, and shared enthusiasm for future goals.
So, should you get married?
There is no objective answer.
“Honestly, it depends on how much that one decision means to both partners. Having a child impacts nearly every aspect of a couple’s life — lifestyle, finances, family dynamics, even future goals,” says Ruuh. In her experience, she has seen couples come close to splitting up only to eventually find peace in choosing each other. Sometimes, people change. Sometimes, they simply learn to grow with the relationship instead of against it.
Jain believes modern relationships are demanding a far deeper level of self-awareness. “That freedom is beautiful, but it also makes love far more emotionally complex,” she remarks.
Both experts agree on one thing: whether couples choose to stay together or part ways, the decision cannot come without difficult, deeply honest conversations. Because transformation requires both release and trust.
And maybe that’s the beauty and burden of modern-day crazy, stupid love.
